An American Hero!

(Photo from Google Images)

The Los Angeles Dodgers landed in Houston for a two-game series and now baseball is officially back! There was tension. The empty stadium, while still weird, was different than the new normal of no fans in attendance. The Dodgers were still pissed. Dodgers manager, Dave Roberts, said “even before the game there was a quiet focus, determination in the clubhouse. It was different. Obviously, it was probably the opponent”.

In case you haven’t watched baseball in the last few years, the Dodgers were cheated out of back to back World Series by the Astros in 2017 and the Red Sox in 2018. Both for cheating. Now, cheating is still cheating, but I’ll explain it in modern day relationship terms. The Red Sox drank a case of White Claws, texted girls in phone contacts to hook up and then got caught while doing the walk of shame. The Astros cheating was more like finding out after five years of marriage he was cheating the entire relationship. Knocked up hookers at the bachelorette party, owed millions in other child support from thousands random road hookups, had a burner phone full of texts and nudes from all over the world, a credit card maxed out that was used to buy all the hoes designer bags and first class flights while he told you he didn’t want kids, his phone was dead, you were never allowed to travel and you could only shop at Walmart.

When it was finally confirmed earlier this year that the Houston Astros, were found guilty of the dirtiest sign-stealing cheating scandal in sports history. The Astros made the Patriots look like choir boys. The Astros didn’t just have players cheating, the cheating was traced back to the front office. The entire organization was full of dirty, filthy cheaters. And they basically got a slap on the wrist from MLB Commissioner, Rob Manfred.

LIVID! Baseball was livid and the retaliation on the field was going to be a season of bench clearing brawls. Then Covid19 had to delay the start of the season and months of waiting and negotiations to see if and when baseball would be back. Houston got lucky, again. The season shortened to only 60 games saved the Astros from a lot of dodge ball ducks in the batter’s box and black eyes when the benches cleared.

The caption on Joc Peterson’s Instagram photo of the team landing in Houston said it all; Bangggg. (Bang referring to the Astros sign-stealing code by banging on a trash can.) And then little Joe Kelly came in to pitch Tuesday night. I say little because he looks like he might weigh 140lbs on TV. Even with his glasses, the Ricky Vaughn (Major League) in Kelly leaves you guessing how wild a pitch will be when he loses control of the ball. It’s Joe Kelly 101.

In the bottom of the 6th the Dodgers are up 5-2. Astros third baseman, Alex Bregman, was 3-0 in the count and wild Joe threw a 96-mph heater behind Bregman’s head and then Kelly yawned. YAWNED! I can’t decide if yawning makes Kelly a psycho or confirms he has the biggest balls in the league. Either way Joe bleeping Kelly is a legend!

Astros manager, Dusty Baker, allegedly yelled to Kelly while trying to cover and make a double play at first base “just get on the mound, Littlebleeper”! It was pretty clear on the live broadcast and when you re-watch the clip, it didn’t come from Astros player, Michael Brandley who was running to first base. With two outs, Carlos Correa stuck out swinging and Joe Kelly became an internet GIF with the taunting facial expressions and the ‘boo-hoo’ pouty lip to Correa. Benches cleared. Social distance bench clearings mean no one walked away with a black eye or an ejection.

Baker, said Joe Kelly told Carlos Correa “Nice Swing Bitch” after Kelly struck Correa out swinging. Baker continued to whine in the press conference, maybe it was past his bedtime or Baker just failed to realize that he is the manager for a team of cheaters that the entire world hates. They stole, literally, stole a World Series Championship from the Dodgers in 2017. But back to Joe Kelly. ‘Nice swing bitch’ was Joe Kelly banging on the Astros trash can proving they have to cheat to get hits.

This is why we need mics on the field. I want to hear all of the trash talking going on. (And read subtitles when English is not spoken.) This should be an option with the MLB package.

Kelly said he did not throw at the Astros on purpose. “My accuracy isn’t the best” in reference to the video of him breaking his own window while pitching in his backyard. Yes, Joe Kelly, your accuracy may not always be the best, but your delivery of verbal trash cans to the Astros has all of baseball, especially Dodger fans, saying we salute you. You are an American hero.

*Just as I was about to post this, MLB announced that Kelly would get an eight-game suspension and Dodgers manager, Dave Roberts, would be suspended one game. What did Dave Roberts do? Old man Baker was on live TV yelling F bombs, he’s guilty of instigating and some how he gets a pass? How the BLEEEEEP do you give a pitcher who may have lost his mechanics in a pitch or two the equivalent to a 22-game suspension in 162-game season? ZERO, Z.E.R.O. Astros who CHEATED THE ENTIRE 2017 SEASON WERE SUSPENDED FOR THE BIGGEST CHEATING SCANDAL IN BASEBALL HISTORY?!?!? Rob Manfred, you are a bleeping joke. I hope you’re never in the batter’s box when Joe Kelly is on the mound.

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