Twas The Night Before Christmas

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Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Redskins Nation,
The fans asked Santa to give Bruce Allen a permanent vacation.
The season sucked, sorry mom, it was just really sad,
How do you have all that talent and still play so bad?

In the off season, Taylor Lewan was still trying to puff his chest,
But I check Norman’s mail and put that SOB to rest.
He sent a shirt that said Lewan Is My Daddy- so dumb,
So, I sent it back with a pee cup to that suspended bum.

When out on the media there arose such a clatter,
Just kidding, AB is done, nothing is the matter.
Away went the season, it was over in a flash,
Here’s how the rest of the season went to trash.

The moon was hidden from the Monday night lights,
The Bears were in town for a prime-time fight.
When, what to an empty FedEx Field should appear,
But a game so bad, there was no home team cheer.

With a QB change, that quickly became a GIANT disaster,
I’m sorry, but this Haskins kid has A LOT to master,
Then the Patriots came to town and packed the stands,
Why does the visiting team always have more fans?

No Williams, No Guice, No Reed and Smith!
Oh, Bruce, it’s never you, what a bleeping myth!
To the top of the franchise that’s who makes the calls,
Now dash away, Dash away! Dash away all!

The season was over long before week five,
No way we were beating the Patriots to stay alive.
Then Jay Gruden had a horrible 5AM meeting,
And Bruce Allen took a social media beating.

And then, two teams were looking for their first wins,
Come-On Man, we can’t lose to the Miami Dolphins.
As Miami scored late, our lead was about to drop,
Down to the last second, our defense made the stop!

The fans were dressed in rain gear from head to toe,
And then we had to watch the 49er’s put on a field goal show.
A bundle of money Kirk Cousins got when he left this city,
And that Thursday night game, he made the Redskins look shitty.

Their fans are just so embarrassing, but those Buffalo Bills won!
No ranch with their wings, how do restaurants get people to come?
The defense was too tired to cover the Jets tight-ends,
We finally scored a touchdown, but the Jets got the Win.

Lions vs. the Skins was our first win at home in a year,
With one play left in the game, Haskins was nowhere near.
Off to Charlotte for the Panther’s game with my twin & friends,
We had a great a time, and OMG the Skins now have three WINS!

It was cold in Green Bay and Redskins had another slow start,
But that Aaron Rodgers & Aaron Jones, we could not out smart.
Those dirt birds came to town and made FedEx a sea of green,
But putting in JNo at the end of the game, man that was mean.

The Bad/Slutty Santa game is why I shouldn’t bet with Jim,
Bah Humbug! Those New York Giants got an overtime win.
But I will say that FedEx Field has never looked this great,
A bonus for whoever was in charge there is no debate!

Stadium entrances were closed for half of the season,
But the culture is damn good, so I’m not sure the reason.
There’s always next year, that’s the story we’re always told,
Because singing Hail to the Redskins will never get old.

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