DeflateGate

Tom Brady seems like a guy who prefers soft balls, but now we know that Brady does not squeeze his balls; that is not part of his process. He grips his balls. I guess ball etiquette is a personal preference, but I feel like you learn in college the importance how you should handle your balls and that experience would alert you when you were holding someone else’s balls.

This whole #delfategate has been anything but a deflating-situation. You would never know that the Super Bowl is just eight days away based on the coverage of protecting the balls. No one is talking about the game, but everyone is focused on the balls. Honestly, I’m just glad that the balls are finally getting some attention.

I can’t even talk about this with a straight face. The puns and innuendos have sent my 5^th grade sense of humor into giggle mode. I just can’t take any of this serious.

Brady told us that some guys like old balls. To me, that’s locker room information that I didn’t need to know. Bill Belichick went on the record to say that the balls he practices with are as bad as they can be. “Wet, sticky, cold, slippery, however bad we can make them (balls), we make them”. Umm, that’s sounds like a personal problem.

I can understand how a deflated football could help me and my child-size hands. I can barley grip a pro football. The reality is that grown men play in the NFL and that includes grown men size hands. Grown men do not need to tamper with the ball air pressure to gain an advantage.

ESPN Sports Science proved that decreasing the balls air pressure by 2 pounds per square inch reduces the balls mass by the weight of a dollar bill and reduces the average velocity. Basically the under inflated ball will arrive three-thousandths of a second later to the receiver giving the defense an extra inch to cover. Give me an extra inch in height and we’re talking about a difference in how many shelves I to have climb at the grocery store to reach the Fiji water. When football is quoted for being a game of inches, Sports Science is saying that the Patriots gave the Colts inches and the Colts still sucked the air right out of the game.

11 out of 12 balls were deflated. Who was the slacker that didn’t deflate the 12^th ball? Clearly, he didn’t complete his job or he was just a quitter? I’m not sure which is worse. Either way, this poor ball boy is going to feel the pressure for this scandal because Belichick repeated that he ‘told you everything he (I) know(s)’. Brady said, “I have no knowledge of anything”. But one thing they both know is that the ball-leaker has a 50/50 chance of getting a Super Bowl ring in the mail and free Sam Adams for life in Boston for giving them a person to blame for playing with their balls. The risk is worth the reward.

The truth is that the Patriots have been deflating balls for years; it’s called “Gronking”. (Rob Gronkowski’s signature spiking of the ball in the end zone.)

According to league officials, the ball issue was addressed at half time and the second half was played with fully inflated balls for the second half. That’s when the Delatriots went on to outscore the Colts 28-0 in the AFC championship game. The Patriots definitely inflated the 45-7 final score. It was a blow out, literally.

Bill Belichick may have the biggest balls in the league. There isn’t a hoody or a cheating scandal that he didn’t like. After all, who doesn’t love a hoody and wasn’t Spygate just a way of “using your resources”?

And since we’re talking about ball security, Seahawks RB, Marshawn Lynch knows there is no such thing as free-balling. Lynch was fined twenty thousand dollars by the NFL for his ‘obscene gesture’ that appeared to be a simple “cup check” during a touchdown celebration.

Goodell has the ball now and we know it’s not going to suck any air out of who is playing in the Super Bowl. Being left up him to means the situation will just deflate on an elevator camera with the rest of the balls.