LANCE

(During this pandemic my twin brother closed on a house. I told him I’d come in town to help him get it ready to move in. But what that really meant was that I would do all the work for him and he would leave me his credit card and go to the beach. His level of domestic/husband skills are limited to yard work and grilling. That left me with painting his entire house, installing kitchen backsplash, pulling up carpet and installing wood floors. Plus moving all of his stuff, organizing all of his stuff and doing all the furniture shopping.

Did I mention how many trips I made to Lowes and Home Depot buying and returning blinds? I’m too embarrassed to say. But when you have to rotate between three different Lowes stores, it’s too many trips. Today is the first day in over three weeks that my entire right arm doesn’t have a numb, tingling feeling shooting from my shoulder to my fingertips. I am still not able to open bottled water lids, but I can finally type on my MacBook. Yes, I am the best twin ever.)

The Last Dance will win an Emmy; it was fantastic! On Sunday, ESPN released the part one of the two-part series on Lance Armstrong. The first three minutes is f-bomb after f-bomb. (Basically, it was exactly how I felt while buying and returning blinds.) The producers came out swinging and kept my attention for the full hour and a half episode. Most people on social media have nothing nice to say about Lance, but I can’t say I’m jumping on the hating Lance bandwagon just yet.

I had no idea Lance Armstrong was such an asshole. But he smiles while saying his ego driven unapologetic side of the story that makes me laugh. (There’s a lot of delusional jerks in the world, just look at Virginia’s Governor. At least Lance can make me laugh, the other makes me drop F-bombs.) I just remember wearing those yellow “Livestrong” bracelets in college and feeling like I won the lottery when the Nike Outlet in Myrtle Beach had them in-stock. I only knew him as the cyclist who beat cancer, won a lot in France, and dated Sheryl Crow. And knowing three facts about a cyclist seemed like a lot of information for a sport I have no interest in.

At the age of 15, his mother forged his birth certificate to enter Lance in his first triathlon. “Forge the certificate, compete illegally, and beat everybody” is how Lance described it and that’s exactly what happened. The people who are pissed act like Lance was the only guy on the bike doping. Derek Bouchard-Hall, the former CEO of USA Cycling said “there were no morals and ethics (when it came to doping in the 1990s ) we were still figuring things out and we forget that now.” I’m on the fence if his statement was rooted in delusion, honesty, or a win at all cost mindset. Every other cyclist was also doping so doesn’t that equal the playing field?

If you’ve ever read my blogs on Barry Bonds, you know that steroids don’t bother me. You can give me alllllll the performance enhancing drugs and I’ll never be able to hit a bomb in a major league stadium. Maybe I’m just completely uneducated in the PED world and view it as an excess of vitamins. I’m 100% positive that there is no amount of blood, injection, vitamin, or cream PED that will ever make my butt want to ride a bike. Bike seats are terrible and I have natural cushion. I’ll never understand how men can enjoy sitting on a bike. I just assumed cyclist got the short end of the stick if riding a bike didn’t bother them. To me, the only advantage Lance had against the other cyclist is that he only had one testicle.

His doctor told him “Lance, all you need is red cells”. EPO or erythropoietin (pronounced, ah-rith-ro-poy-tin), is a hormone produced by the liver and kidneys. Once EPO is released into the bloodstream, it binds with receptors in the bone marrow and stimulates red blood cell production and increases the blood’s oxygen carrying capacity (red blood cells carry oxygen). EPO is commonly used to treat anemia resulting from chronic kidney failure or cancer. (Thank you pri.org. for explaining.)

The guy just beat testicular cancer and raised millions of dollars for cancer, took cancer fighting drugs to stay alive and won the Tour De France seven times in a row. All to be crucified by the world for same thing all of his competitors were doing and then he was banned from a sport that no one really cares about. I only know about the Tour de France because of Lance. I have no interest in cycling before Lance or after Lance. But I am interested to watch part two of the series this Sunday on ESPN.